Good Morning World

I woke up to a nice little surprise this morning. The scale showed a 0.4 pound loss (doing a little happy dance)!!! Hopefully, this continues and I can get back on track again. Well, it would be a different track from the one I was on last time, since I’m like 40 pounds behind that track. If I’m any track that leads to losing, I’m going to be a happy woman!

Our snowshoes came in this week, but we haven’t had a chance to use them. I was hoping we would be able today, but Justin is on call for the Rescue Squad at the snowmobile races today. I told him Friday night I wanted to go on Saturday and well he didn’t look like he was going to do any moving yesterday. He actually spent most of the day in his pajamas. The weather wasn’t that great yesterday to be out driving to where we were going to snowshoe anyway. If he doesn’t get on board soon, I’ll just go by myself across the street to the soccer field and snowshoe around that. I don’t care where I do it. I just want to be out doing it and getting some exercise!

In other news…..my husband and I have been discussing starting a family within the next few months. Of course, I would like to get started right away, but I probably should talk to my doctor first. I would be fine with gaining some weight from being pregnant, as along as it comes off afterward. I pray that I’m able to have children!

55 pounds down, 105 to go

Hello 2011

I spent the first day of 2011 with my family at my mom’s house. It was our “Christmas”, which meant FOOD. Really delicious food, but bad for your figure kind of food. I still really don’t have much of a figure yet though, it’s more of a blob or chub as I like to call it. Someday, I will have one or at least a better looking one. Yesterday, I went WAY over board on my calorie intake. When I say way over, I mean over 1,000 calories over. It would have been over my maintenance level of calories! I also drank a lot of my calories as well, which I normally do not do. I definitely splurged! I drank a lot of Stewart’s Half and Half, its half lemonade and half ice tea. It’s basically the store’s version of an Arnold Palmer. I absolutely love this drink! Here’s all the bad choices I made with food yesterday: chips and dip, rice krispies treats, sugar cookies with frosting, and all my drinks. There were probably a few more that are slipping my mind. Today, it has been a rice krispie treat kick. Thankfully, they are all gone now, so no more temptation! I have gone over my weekly budget because of these last two days (mainly yesterday though). However, tomorrow is a new day! A day that will be filled with better choices.

A few days ago, I received my Lose It! book in the mail. I have only read to page 8 so far, but I look forward to reading the rest of it soon. I just have to sit still long enough to actually read it…haha!

In other news, on January 17th I’ll be having a sleep study done to hopefully figure out why I don’t sleep very well. Oh the thought of maybe being able to sleep soundly throughout a whole night makes me really happy. I can’t even remember or venture a guess of when the last time that happen was. I’m hoping once the doctors figure out what is going on and they are able to make me sleep properly I’ll have more energy. (obviously, also having my thyroid problems fixed will also help with that) I have to still fill out a bunch of papers before I go for my sleep study. I also have to fill out a two-week sleep diary, which should start with tonight. There is a sheet for my husband to fill out as well on my sleep habits,etc.

I’m not sure why but all of today I have had baby on the brain. I have had a strong feeling or urge to have a baby. Financially, we are not in a place to be able to afford a child and I know that, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting one. The thought of gaining weight doesn’t thrill me, but it would be for a good reason though. I want to feel a baby kick inside me, I want to hold my baby after I have delivered, I want to be able to kiss and love a child that is mine….that’s mine and my husband’s. I’m not even sure if I can have children or not. I only have my period when I’m on birth control. I was told in my early teen years that I may have trouble having kids because of that. I’m sure I was given more details than that, but I was like 13 and who remember details like that when you are that young.

…well, that’s enough rambling for now! Take care!

Goodbye 2010

Today, we say our goodbyes to 2011. Tomorrow, starts a new year and another new day along our journey through life. Looking back on this past year, it has been full of ups and down, tears, happiness, love, and laughter. 2010 was the year that I finally took steps to taking care of myself. I found out that I’m worth fighting for and that if you want something bad enough you will fight until you have reached that goal or you have taken your last breaths. April 12th, 2010 was the first day I took steps to change my life….no scratch that…the first day I took control of my life! On that day, I started using the best App. to ever be offered on iTunes. For those who may have just stumbled across this blog, may not know what App. I’m taking about. The App. that has encouraged, helped, and monitored my change is called Lose It! Calories in vs. Calories out! My weight loss started that day because of Lose It! This application has allowed me to lose 54 pounds so far and I know that once my thyroid problems are worked out it will help me to lose even more weight. I still have over 100 plus pounds to go, but I know I WILL DO IT!

Have a safe and great New Year everyone!

Hello Stranger…

nearly after two months, I’m back! It has and continues to be a huge struggle to get myself up and moving. This stupid thyroid is definitely taking a HUGE toll on me. In April, I was put on thyroid replacement medication for Hypothyroidism. Now, that I have lost a good chuck of weight, I now have Hyperthyroidism because my dosage was for at my highest weight. The dosage has been cut in half, but I have yet to go for my blood work to see if my thyroid level is in a normal range yet. I was supposed to have the level checked back in the beginning of September, but I didn’t have any insurance to pay for the test. I went to have the blood test done in the beginning of November, since I was put on my husband’s insurance. I knew I really needed my level checked the end of August/beginning of September because that is when I started feeling like crap. I honestly feel that my first 60 pounds went quickly and somewhat easily, but now that I have been having trouble with my thyroid again it’s down right difficult. I’m now at a 54.2 pound weight loss, instead of the 60 pounds. I had been fluctuating for a while. A couple of weeks ago, I had gained about 6 pounds in 4 days, which is outrageous! There was no way that I had eaten enough to gained 6 pounds because I wasn’t even close to reaching my maintenance level amount of calories let alone going 21,000 calories over that. I wasn’t eating food that was high in sodium, so I don’t believe it was water weight either. I can’t wait till my body gets back to where it should be. My doctor told me that as I continue to lose we are going to have to continue adjust the dosage of my thyroid medication. In a way that is frustrating because I know that I’m probably going to be going through this stand still or weight gain all through out the process of losing weight. I feel like I’m behind majorly in my weight loss and that bothers me. I feel that I should have lost somewhere between 70 to 80 pounds already. I don’t want to take away from the progress I have made because I think that the amount of weight I have lost is awesome, but I can’t help myself wanting to have lost more weight.

I know there might a be few people on Lose It! that may have given up on me, but I have not given up on myself! That is the main reason that I continued to log my food into the app even when things were horrible. I know that when my body is ready to cooperate, I will be back full force! I know it will be tough getting back on the wagon full force, but I know I can do it. I will lose this remaining weight and I will be healthy someday. I just have to realize that it my not be on my time line or Lose It! time line.

54.2 pounds down, 105.8 to go

I got married!!!

On October 23rd, 2010, Justin and I finally tied the knot. There was no romantic proposal, it was a mutual decision. We decided it was time to get married after just over 3 years of being together. Neither of us wanted to wait, so we decided to do it as soon as possible. We planned everything within a month and everything turned out beautiful. The wedding was outside in a gazebos on the beach in the town that we live in. We took a huge chance of having an outside wedding near the end of October in the Adirondack Mountains. There have been many years we have had snow before Halloween has rolled around. About 1 in the morning on the day of our wedding, we noticed it was snowing outside and it was sticking. When I got up to start getting ready for the day’s events, there was about 2 to 3 inches of snow on the ground. No grass could be seen anywhere. We knew our ceremony was going to be quick, but I was wearing a strapless wedding dress. A friend of mine did let me borrow her shawl that she wore for her wedding, but I really didn’t want to wear it. Thankfully, the snow melted before the wedding and the temperature rose to the mid to high 40s. The sun was shining brightly and was actually blinding me for during the pictures after the ceremony. I had the wedding I asked for. I wanted the sun to be out and it to not be raining or snowing. I didn’t care what it did before or after the wedding. I just wanted the pictures to come out nice and they did. Our friend, Justin’s best man’s wife, Katie, took the pictures for us and she did a fantastic job.

…if you would like to see more pictures, please go to Mr. and Mrs. St.Amour’s Wedding Photo Site and enter 1023 for the password. Enjoy!

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In weight news, I am starting to get back on the right back again (thankfully!). I realized the weight I thought I had gained over the past month or a little longer was not actually real weight. It was water weight and weight built up for not going to the bathroom (I know, I know…like you really needed to know that…sorry). After only a few days, all that weight melted off and I have actually lost 1 more pounds than the last time I logged my weight on Lose It! I have now officially lost just over 60 pounds!!! Woo hoo!!! It should actually be 10 pounds more than that, but I have been a huge slacker the past month or so.

I finally went back to the gym last night. It wasn’t for long, but at least I got up and moving again. I started off on the elliptical machine for only 5 minutes. I can only do 5 minutes on that machine right now. It’s kicks my ass. Hopefully, slowly I’m build up my time on it. I also walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I put it on the weight loss mode, which I have never done before. I usually walk on a 0 incline at about 3 mph for speed. Last night, the incline was switching back and forth between 2.0 and 3.5 incline. I walked at 3.5 mph for speed for majority of it. I did slow down a couple of time to 3.0 or 3.2 mph. I definitely pushed myself on the treadmill, especially for not having done it in a LONG time. I was sweating up a storm. I lifted weights for a quick 10 minutes or so.

60.6 pounds down, 99.4 pounds to go

Sorry I have neglected you :(

It’s been way to long, since my last post. My last post was September 15, which is almost a month! I have neglected this blog, just like I have neglected to exercise in the last month. I have no excuses, at least none that are acceptable. I have (at least) continued to log everything that I eat…the good, the bad, and the ugly! I know that a lot of people say this, but I AM going to start exercising again tomorrow. Why not today?!? Well, I’m going to be going to bed soon.

Many things have happened, since my last post in September. I know have a part-time job with the Adirondack Arc, where I work with people is developmental disabilities. I had training last week and now I am shadowing for a while. It will probably won’t be until next month that I have a set schedule. I feel that this job will be something I can enjoy, until a full-time teaching position comes along.

In addition to the new job, I am also getting married. There’s no romantic proposal story to tell. Justin and I have been talking about getting married and how we want to raise the children we have in the future for a while now. Finally, we decided it was time to actually do it. I believe it was about 2 weeks ago we decided that we were going to go through with it. At first, we were keeping it on the DL because we were having a small wedding. Originally, there were only going to be 6 people at the wedding (Justin and I, my mom, his parents, the JP, and my best friend Deanna), but it has grown to about 40 people. We invited our immediate family that are present in our lives, plus two friends each (well…it might be 3 or 4 for me, but not sure yet). Since we are having a small wedding, we have decided that we will get married on October 23rd. We are praying the weather holds out because we are planning on getting married on the beach in a gazebos. At first, we were not planning on having anything afterward, but our parents were going to throw something either way so why not just go along with it. The dinner after the wedding will be at the diner that is across the street from our house, which will make it good if we actually drink. On the 23rd, I will not be counting/tracking my calories and I’m expecting to be WAY over that day. I just want to enjoy the day without bringing my Ipod with me to recording everything I eat or drink. Who knows if I’ll change my mind on that, since I’m so use to logging everything. I’m planning on having a few Tom Collins and a slice of my wedding cake, so I’ll be racking up the calories like crazy. I’m only getting married once and I can go back to tracking the day after. I ordered my bouquet yesterday. I love it, it’s going to be beautiful.

Here’s a picture of what our cake will look like, expect…
no fondant, but chocolate butter cream frosting
instead of those orange things on top, we will have real sunflowers
It will be a chocolate cake with raspberry filling between the layers.
Needless to say, I can’t wait until the 23rd and I have been counting down, since we set a date.
17 MORE DAYS!!!!!

Response to a Lose It! friend

I know I haven’t posted in over 2 weeks and I’m sorry that I have neglected you. I recently had one of my friends on Lose It! e-mail, so I want to share her e-mail and my response back to it.

Hi Darlene,
I’ve seen how well you’ve been doing and I’m trying to get back on track and eating healthy with working out.
Just wondering how you’ve stayed motivated eating healthy ect.
Thank you!

My response:
I have honestly have had a hard time trying to respond to this e-mail. Yes, I have done well and have lost 53 pounds. However, the last 2 1/2 weeks have not been great because I have been eating a lot of junk food and really haven’t exercised. I really think I must be going through something, whether I’m pregnant (which I have been asked some many times by my family and others) or life is just getting me down (I have been unemployed, since the end of June 2009. I was a teacher and my position was cut. Nothing since then has seemed to go right.) I have had major cravings for Peanut M&Ms and ice cream (plus other stuff, but those are the main two). I feel like I need to tell you all that because I would feel like I was being dishonest with you if I pretend everything is going well.

Now, that is out-of-the-way I can get down to trying to answer your answer (heck, maybe it would help me get back on track..haha).

One of my biggest motivation is the fact that I’m tired of being fat. I hate being the fattest person in a room. Even though I do have a great boyfriend, I hate the fact that no other guy would be interested in me because of the way I look. I have 3 sisters and I’m the biggest and also the youngest. I hate being larger than my boyfriend, but I’ll always be bigger then him. I have large frame and he has a small frame. The weight he is almost at now is about where I want to be. I want to not have to buy clothes that costs 3x as much as skinny people’s clothes. I want to become active and healthier, so that when I do have children I will be able to enjoy them they way I should be able to. I also want to be a good role model for them. I really want to change all my bad habits, so my children don’t develop them too.

I am really obsessed with logging everything I eat, even the unhealthy stuff. I am constantly checking Lose It!, whether it is online or on my iPod touch. Overall, I have actually notice a decline in all of my friends activity level, so maybe we are all going through a tough patch. I honestly believe that I can do this. I have lost 53 already and have 107 pounds left to go. One of my sisters, just told me the other day that she can see how much happier I am since I started losing weight. My weight loss has definitely been a struggle and I have had my share of ups and downs. Right now, I’m going through a big down, but I WILL come out of it. I need to remember that I want to be healthier, skinnier, and happier, but that will not come without blood, sweat, and tears.

Anytime that I eat something that I really shouldn’t, I do not dwell on it or feel guilty. I feel that if I allow myself to beat myself up about, then I will fail. I also do not deny myself anything (when I’m on the right track) because again I know that as soon as I start denying myself certain foods, I’m setting myself up for failure. Even though it’s been a few weeks, since I last posted I really do feel that it helps me. (Maybe I should go write a post again and that might help me get back on the right track) What we need to do before inhaling those delicious M&Ms, ice cream, movie theater style popcorn, or whatever our weakness is to ask ourselves if it is really worth it. I know I have not asked myself that for the past 2 1/2 weeks, so starting tomorrow that will change and that question will be in the back of my head constantly.

Sorry, this is so long-winded and thank you for listening to my rant or whatever it would be called. I hope this helps you, as well as myself. I wish you all the best of luck!